Today was fucking awful. I was trying to be cool, but I couldn't help it. I had to go out for coffee, and when I got there, I saw the guy who owns the place and I just screamed "FUCKING GOD!" and then I started shitting all over the floor. I was so embarrassed that I felt like a complete idiot. But hey, at least I didn't get stabbed or killed. I think I'll start taking better care of my body.
I tried to clean up after myself, but I still had some mess on the floor. I'm gonna have to take a shower and try to freshen up. Maybe I should eat something healthy and stop being a slacker. Life is too short for me to be a joke. I mean, seriously, what's the point of living if you don't have fun? Let's keep it fun, okay?
If you see me doing anything funny, please let me know. I might need help. I also might need help cleaning up. Please, just don't tell anyone else. I don't want people to laugh at me. I just want to feel normal again. Thank you, god, for letting me live.